A step child is a
human progeny of your spouse by a previous marriage. Step children can be inherited in so many
ways; they may be children of your husband’s late wife or your wife’s late
husband. Some may be as a result of
divorce or a mistake of the past by your spouse. Whichever way these children emanate from,
they are from God and have been placed on your care; therefore you have no
choice but bring them up properly to the best of your ability, so that they
will become good and responsible citizens. The other reason why you should
bring them up properly is that if you do not, they will become a menace to you
and your children in the future.
As the new family
begins, on one hand is the new wife or husband who often finds it very
difficult to accept these inherited children.
On the other hand, are the step children who are so indifferent and
difficult to deal with. Sincerely, the task of
parenting step children is a very difficult one especially on the part of the
wife. There are some cases where other
members of their dad’s family act as watchdogs, measuring the performance of
the new mother. Some will go the extra
mile to encourage the children to go against their step mother. Peradventure they are adults; they hardly
come to terms with the new stepmother and do not give respect to her.
Parenting stepchildren
has been a very big problem in so many families and have actually brought
division and wars. In this article, I want to point out some steps a stepparent
can take to have a better relationship with her step children.
Have
an Upbeat Mindset: Do not be selfish, treat them the same way
you could have treated your own biological children. Anything they are entitled to, endeavor to
let them have it including the love and care of their biological mom or dad. You
should strive to give them good education and inculcate in them high moral standards
the way you will do to your own children. Put on a cheerful face and forgive them the
way you will forgive your own children whenever they offend you. Look beyond their shortcomings because you
have a mission of bringing your family together.
Do Not
Try to Replace Their Mother or Father: These children may
have been separated from their biological parent forcefully (either by death or
divorce) and the bitterness of losing a parent in that manner will still be hunting
them. They will not find you too
comfortable as the new wife or husband of their parent and trying to take the
place of that parent will only bring resentment. Always remember that you are not their real
mother or father and can never be, no matter how hard you may try. Also, do not
try to persuade them to call you mom or dad as they may see that as a big deal
and will try to get at you with that. Allow them to decide by themselves how to
relate with you.
Give
Them The Opportunity To Grow Like Children: Always have it at the back of your mind that they are only
children who are bound to pass through some processes as they grow up. Do not count every mistake they make as an
offence. Allow them to be children; the
younger ones should be given the required training, if it call for scolding, do
not hesitate to scold them, but do it with love and the intention of making
them better children no matter how unresponsive they may be. The adults among them should also be called
to order when they err and advised accordingly.
Constantly seek advice and feedback from their biological parent on the
best way to deal with them. Try as much
as you can to help them become responsible adults, at the long run, they will
acknowledge this good gesture.
Avoid
Showing Affection in Their Presence: As much as I agree
that public display of affection among spouse is good, doing it in the presence
of your step children particularly older ones will cause more harm than
good. So avoid it. When they see you hug and kiss their mom or
dad, it makes them think you are the cause of their parent woes and they will
vent their anger on you by being difficult.
I will advice that you endeavor to be more careful when it comes to
showing affection to your spouse because of the environment you have found
yourself so that you will have a nonviolent home.
In all these, patience
is the key. Time heals every wound
including the wound of loosing a parent.
With time, good works and endurance, you will gain their loyalty.
1 comments:
This is very helpful